I confess I have sinned and with this note I absolve myself of all the crimes I may have committed in the name of seeking attention just to satisfy my never to deflate ego. I cannot remember or I may have conveniently forgotten how this addiction of mine came to be or from which ground it took root. I just know that the minute my acquired minions begin to disperse and start to lose interest I rear out my sharp talons of contempt and begin my onslaught when they least expect it to. This confession is my way of catharsis so I can spew out the venomous thoughts that plague me with their tentacles compelling me to cause harm the only way I know,verbally! Hell I should've been in show business where i could sweet talk my way through any situation and attack my enemy when they least expect them to.
Even a calculative Prim a Donna like me (though I've never mastered a step of ballet in my life, hey I need toes to be able to fit into my Blahniks)needs her space to vent so I can start my day anew.
I am ardently guilty of being so self absorbed that any form of criticism feels like a jab at my personality. What I really need to hear day in and day out are praises of my big-bigheartedness, my kindness,the wit and the elegance of my ways. Anyone who fails to deliver on those terms will be on my social hit-list.
Ah! Now I remember how my journey began. See, I do have a memory for anything that involves self-glorification and me, me,me!
I came into this tepid life a newly married woman with a new lease and a fresh start. The husband was just a simpleton completely enamored by my youth and beguiling ways. As a single girl I never had the opportunity to venture too freely outside of my father's strict rule. But as a married woman with a puppy dog for a husband who worshiped the ground I walked upon I had a trump card and more than my share of wealth to spend as I chose compared to the other housewives i encountered in my early days of wifedom. Hell! I did not even have to earn a living ever till the day I would breath the last.( Like that day would ever come.I'm 24 and invincible as the Goddess Hera herself!)
The first victim to fall into my labyrinthine trap of sycophancy was Tiara,the very young impressionable child-wife of a colleague of my husbands. It was easy to tag her with gifts galore and regaling tales of my glamorous life before I gave it all up for a life of marital bliss. Besides I've always been a true follower of the adage that 'flattery will get you everywhere'. She was just the tip of the iceberg. using her as a stepping stone I built my way into her social circle and established my little kingdom, my very own Camelot where I ruled the roost.
But my rejoicing was short lived for I came face to face with a nemesis in the guise of an intelligent social butterfly named Calista who with her sincerity and wit did not need to resort to wiles like I did to make friends. How dare she try to thwart my plans of ascendancy? What was she compared to me; ungainly,ruddy and with a boring personal style of wardrobe? I would squash her like an annoying gnat swatted by a bat in the heat of the summer. Except it never happened no matter how hard i tried to eliminate this piece of competition.So I was reduced to distancing myself from her and anyone who chose to be with that witty busybody than gorgeous old me.She went ahead and lead her righteous, savant way of life while I furthered my collection of adulating fans who made me the center of attention.But after all my efforts I was left with just a few really unenterprising women who were not exactly up to my caliber but they just about had to do for the time being.
I shifted my focus on a career, one that i could dilly-dally about and still maintain a professional front to pass my time. This was just what I needed to survive this dulls ville of modern suburbia. So now I'm a self-proclaimed career woman, mother of three and still the best looking broad this side of the globe ( Thanks to the live-in Au pair and the botox gifts I receive every year from my still ardent husband of mine). Hell! I'm the stuff that reality shows are all about! And I owe this personal victory to my shrewdness and Dale Carnegie who wrote a brilliant book on how to win people in my favor called 'How to win friends and influence people'.
I hereby confess that I am the epitome of diplomacy and elegance but I still need a place to voice my true feelings. Hence this confession of my sociopolitical efforts to gain success in life and my social designs. Thank you blank white pages for giving me a chance to have that one glimmer of sincerity. Now I can go back to being the Prim a Donna that i am with a clear conscience.
Until the next time i get another burst of goodness where i feel the need to admit the truth of my being. But till that time comes I will resort to any means to divide, conquer, connive using every ounce of my wiles to get what I want. Au Revoir!